And so, it is Mother’s Day again and I wanted to acknowledge that this is a difficult day for lots of people – those who have lost their Mum, those who will never be a Mum, and those who have difficult or non-existent relationships with their Mum.
It is this last group I have written a poem for. This is a really personal poem for me and I hope it brings some comfort on a day when social media will be flooded with messages of bonds and connections that we never felt. Please, go gently today. Please know you are not alone. If you need help to explore these feelings, please reach out to me at emma@openskieshypnotherapy.co.uk or contact me on 07904 839416.
“Mother’s Day”
I heard the things no child should hear, saw what they should not see
The rage, violent behaviour, all too adult for me.
A child who was fully grown, way beyond my years
A child with lost innocence, full of confusion and fears.
A household where I was not heard, my needs were never met
A household where I was damaged, even though they should protect.
I was blamed for many things, even though I did no wrong.
I was that child who had to adapt, who had to be quite strong.
There was nobody to talk to, nobody I could tell
Things were different way back then, no-one to catch you if you fell.
They had a choice, to have a child, and they chose to bring me here
I wondered if they would be different, if I just disappeared.
For years I felt I was to blame, perhaps I had let them down
Simply by being who I was, I had caused them to scowl and frown.
As children we simply do not know, what a normal family might be
We only know our own family life, full of neglect and misery.
We believe that this is normal, and so we do not speak out
Until as adults we realise, what its really all about.
We understand we were abused, we see it all so clear
And now begins the disbelief, the anger and the tears.
Our child part is broken, into a thousand shards
How on earth are we to ever heal, from such deep and painful scars?
We are told by those around us, who have not lived our life
That we should forgive and forget, and not cause any strife.
These people have not walked your path, have not put on your shoes
These people had the parents, who if they could, they’d always choose.
Your parents were not there for you, in they way they should have been
The bond was frayed and broken, you did not feel heard or seen.
So as we come to Mothers Day, with its messages of love
It can be hard for your child part, it can be really tough.
The child does not understand, why you missed out on all this
The hugs, the bond, the connection – it did not happen, you felt dismissed.
In therapy we understand, the patterns of the past
That your mother, in turn, had unmet needs, which affect her to the last.
She did not understand what was happening, and so she did not deal
With all the rubbish she inherited, therefore she did not heal.
We are not making excuses, we are simply trying to explain
How generational patterns, can do this damage, cause this pain.
As you move forwards into parenting a child of your own
You can help to break the cycle, give the love you were never shown.
So if today is difficult, because your Mother was not there
If your child part feels lonely, if it all feels so unfair
This poem is for you, to say that you are not alone
I hear you, and I understand – come and talk to me, you’re home.
© Emma Oldershaw, 2025
