It’s Christmas time, with sparkly lights, and presents to be wrapped.
A time of year for many that can leave us feeling trapped.
As adults we look back to Christmas times when we were young.
The memories we find there, can be those of songs unsung.
The child who had to deal with things way beyond their years.
The things they saw, at Christmas time, the cause of many fears.
Into adulthood we carry, the messages of that time.
Was it my fault things were difficult, that no bells ever chimed?
In our house dreams were broken, our house was not a home.
The presents we unwrapped, were just despair, no hope, just gloom.
A broken bottle, smashed into shards, just laying on the floor.
We took care not to cut ourselves, though nobody cared anymore.
We felt we did not matter, we just weren’t good enough.
No Christmas dinner served to us, because Mum felt too rough.
Crashed out upon the sofa, all the money had been spent
On wine and beer, to bring good cheer, but what about the rent?
Our friends all fell away from us, their Mums said they couldn’t come
To play with us was seen as dangerous – what might their kids become?
And so into adulthood we stumbled, we put a brave face on.
But inside of us, our inner child still lived, and it knew something was wrong.
It hadn’t had its needs met, when it was very small.
No security, no love, no nurturing at all.
As an adult it felt not good enough, it couldn’t give or receive love
It built a wall nobody could climb – if you tried you got a shove.
It repeated the patterns it hated, for it knew no other way.
It just wanted to numb the pain, to get through another day.
The child was confused and broken, and the adult felt on edge.
How were we to fix this, when we’re standing on a ledge?
Which way to go? What’s easiest? We can simply carry on
Repeating this old pattern, singing the same old song.
Or we can start to heal the child, which sets the adult free
To be the things they wanted, and live life more easily.
Healing isn’t easy, but the outcome is worth the pain.
If we can start the journey there is much for us to gain.
Let’s speak to the scared child, and tell them it’s OK
We’re going to move on together, and find a better way.
Let’s start today, with little steps, there’s nothing to be feared
The child simply needs to know, that somebody really cared.
That person is you, your adult self, so go back and tell the child
It’s OK, I have got you now, and watch your young self smile.
Link hands with them, and hug them, hold them warm in your embrace
Feel your two selves mould together, as you start to find your space.
Set down your doubts and fears, that you have carried like rocks in a sack
This journey is beginning now, set down the pain of looking back.
A new life starts for you today, the path forwards is clear
Imagine it in front of you, filled with opportunities so dear.
A chance to live unburdened, by the shadows of the past.
Into the light, it’s time to step, you can be free at last.
© Emma Oldershaw, 2024
