I have been thinking a lot over the last few days about the tragedy of Liam Payne’s passing.
Back in the day, I remember dancing around my bedroom to One Direction songs, in a state of complete joy. Although I hadn’t been a huge fan of them in recent times, this still feels unspeakably sad. A life cut off in its prime. A child who will have to come to terms with the fact that his father died in such horrible circumstances.
We don’t know the full story about what exactly went on that day in his hotel room, but what has become apparent is that he was more troubled than perhaps anyone was truly aware. Consuming large quantities of drugs and alcohol, as well as taking a medication for spasms and panic disorders (Clonazepam is alleged to have been found in his room), does not lend itself to someone who is handling life particularly well.
I got to thinking about the life he has lived. Like so many young singers, actors, and band members, he must have struggled with the completely extraordinary life he had.
If we think about the human needs we are all born with, and which are non-negotiable and have to be met, these include things like a need for security, attention, autonomy, meaning and purpose, competence and achievement, friendship, emotional connection and others besides. When we cannot get these needs met in healthy ways, we turn to unhealthy ways of doing so. Quick fixes, if you like. Drugs, alcohol, meaningless hook ups, retail therapy. I’m sure you can think of others.
So, let’s look at the “boy band” culture and what that means for the members of the band. Most of the time, manufactured pop culture is very suffocating. You are styled a certain way, you are told what to say in interviews, you have your music written for you, there is literally no room for expression. And yet the arts are meant to be about expression. There is the first conflict.
The lack of identity at such a young age (Liam was 16 when One Direction were formed) is also damaging. At a time when you are trying to figure out who you are and where you belong in the world, the last thing you need is a stylist telling you how you are going to look and what you are going to wear. It goes against the grain of our need for autonomy and security. I would be very confused about who I actually was, if I had to dance to someone else’s tune (quite literally) every day of my life.
Then of course we have the lack of privacy. Privacy is one of our most fundamental human needs, and yet as a society we disrespectfully trample over this need in our celebrities. We want access all areas. We queue for hours to get a glimpse of them. We grab hold of their clothes, we invade their personal space. We think they are ours, that we have a right to a piece of them. When they tell us to back off, we call them arrogant and take to social media to slate them.
This is toxic attention, and it is too much. It is just as bad to have too much attention as to not have enough. The sudden thrust into the spotlight can feel, I suspect, like the walls are closing in. Suddenly everyone has an opinion of you. You’re on the front page of newspapers, people are commenting about you on social media. It can be hard to know what meaning and purpose your life has, when people are ripping you apart day after day and you don’t feel in control of your own existence.
Friendship and emotional connection also become more difficult as your relationships are played out in a public arena, and you never quite know what people’s motives are for wanting to be around you. Self-doubt and paranoia lead you down a path of substance abuse as you try to find a way out, even for a few hours.
It’s hard enough to be in that situation, where your basic human needs are being ignored. To be in that situation and then have it play out for the world to see, can feel much worse. To be under scrutiny when you feel vulnerable, is very uncomfortable.
The real sadness for me is that when Caroline Flack died, we all said we would be kinder. We said we would listen and we would show empathy with others. Why does it feel like nothing has changed?
